When arguments flare up about what appears to be nothing, take a close look at what lies at the heart of them.

Getting to the heart is quite simple.

First, identify the hurt.

Then, ask yourself, “What is so bad about that?”

When you identify the answer, re-ask the question. Each time you do this you get closer to the heart of the pain.

Very often you will drill down to disrespect or lack of concern for your wellbeing.

If the other person has no respect for you, or doesn’t care about your wellbeing, you are likely to feel rejected, negated or abandoned at an emotional level.

Feeling abandoned and alone is not only deeply wounding, but can also trigger anxiety.

Often disproportionate responses are caused by this.

When you know what is setting you off, you can control yourself better and not let arguments get out of hand.

[From 52 Secrets of Psychology– see home page of www.drchrisday.com]