When you are wanting to motivate your staff, it is good to remember the factors that are really important. Some may surprise you. Once financial needs are met,  there are very strong influences on motivation.

Some key influences are listed in a book by Daniel Pink: autonomy, mastery, and purpose.

There is a good list in this article, which refers to the book,  about how managers can support employee motivation. There are accompanying explanations to each item in the list. http://www.octanner.com/blog/2014/02/4-overlooked-ways-managers-can-improve-employee-motivation/

1. Interact with your employees daily

2. Empower employees to manage their own performance and development

3. Personalize rewards and recognition

4. Pay attention to the little things

When arguments flare up about what appears to be nothing, take a close look at what lies at the heart of them.

Getting to the heart is quite simple.

First, identify the hurt.

Then, ask yourself, “What is so bad about that?”

When you identify the answer, re-ask the question. Each time you do this you get closer to the heart of the pain.

Very often you will drill down to disrespect or lack of concern for your wellbeing.

If the other person has no respect for you, or doesn’t care about your wellbeing, you are likely to feel rejected, negated or abandoned at an emotional level.

Feeling abandoned and alone is not only deeply wounding, but can also trigger anxiety.

Often disproportionate responses are caused by this.

When you know what is setting you off, you can control yourself better and not let arguments get out of hand.

[From 52 Secrets of Psychology– see home page of www.drchrisday.com]

The tone of your voice, kindly or harsh, is just as powerful as your message.

That is because people read intent from your tone of voice.  It sends a direct message about your opinion of them as human beings.

We are hardwired into taking the tone of voice personally.

If your tone does not match your words, people will be confused and perhaps distrustful.   You can end up with a misunderstanding, a fight, or a lack of cooperation.

Try to communicate in a pleasant and reasonable manner.

But if you accidentally speak harshly because you are rushed or stressed, explain yourself.

It will decrease the chance of the other person taking offence.

[From 52 Secrets of Psychology– see home page of www.drchrisday.com]

Nobody gets everything they want, so what do you do with your disappointment?

When the situation is irreversible the challenge is to find a way to adjust to it, and, depending on the situation, figure out what you can learn from it.

Here are a few thoughts, some of which may help you.

Disappointment, like all our other experiences, is transitory.  This time next year your concerns are likely to be totally different.

Remember that the world is full of experiences and opportunities and that soon more will come your way.

Disappointment is the opposite of good fortune.  Without the contrast we could not experience either.

Disappointment teaches us to understand what we truly value.

The sting goes out of disappointment if you stop dwelling on it. Try to focus on moving to “plan B”.

[From 52 Secrets of Psychology– see home page of www.drchrisday.com]

It’s quite common that when a manager wants to give negative feedback to a staff member they start off saying something nice about that person’s work.

Then the give the negative feedback and follow it up with more positive feedback. But if you are the manager, don’t do it!

This sandwich technique is dissected in an interesting article in the Harvard Business Review by Roger Schwarz.

In brief, Mr Schwarz says this technique not the best way to go at all.

For one thing, the staff member will think that your positive feedback is not genuine. And the staff member will become anxious as the manager lays it on thick, and will be waiting for the negative feedback.

The manager is not exactly being transparent, yet we know that transparency is a key to being an effective leader. In fact, the manager is being unilaterally controlling.

So what does Mr Schwarz recommend? Well, he suggests a transparent method in which the manager says they have some concerns about behaviour, describe it and see if the staffer agrees. Once they both agree, they then can the decide what to do going forward. The manager can even concede they may have contributed to the problem if that is true. This works because it has the purpose to improve things – and both the manager and staff member make choices together.

See the article at http://tinyurl.com/cgztoko

We all struggle to stop bad habits like smoking, or eating or drinking too much.

A crucial component in breaking a habit is to completely avoid situations where you will be tempted.

Identify any people, places, times and situations which are likely to lead you to fall off the wagon. Then, make plans.

Where possible, arrange to stay away from all of these tempting situations for twenty-one days.  Organise yourself to be doing something else or to be somewhere else instead.

As you persist, you will find the habit fades and your self-discipline strengthens.

As the desire weakens you can slowly give yourself more freedom in this regard.

If you fall off the wagon, you might have to consider whether it is more important for you to break the habit, or engage in the activity.

[This is from 52 Secrets of Psychology, by Dr Chris Day. A link is on this homepage of the website.]

Beware the toxic client.

You know, the one who is too profitable to you for you to lose — and who knows it.

What is the best way to handle the difficult client who feels it is acceptable to abuse you?

In an excellent article in the Harvard Business Review, Mark Goulston says first of all you have to be prepared for the knockout punch of an insult from such a person. Once it comes, take a deep breath, pause and then use a reply like some in this sample

“Say that again?”  or, “What was all that about?” or “Excuse me, I apologise, but my mind wandered over the past few minutes. Can you please repeat what you just said?”

Once somebody has unleashed a tirade of abuse, they find it difficult to reload and fire again. And once such a person finds they’ve not been able to knock you over, they usually calm down somewhat.

Mr Goulston has another piece of advice about preparing for the inevitable time when you have to tell a client some bad news. Read about it here.

http://tinyurl.com/lwp66pl

If we really annoy somebody and they let us know they are annoyed, what is our first reaction?

Usually it is to explain why we spoke or behaved as we did, and that we didn’t mean to annoy them.

We do that because we are trying to repair the relationship.

Unfortunately, that is a classic mistake, as Peter Bregman explains in the Harvard Business Review.

The reason it is a mistake is that what is important to the other person is not your perspective but the consequence to them of your speech or behaviour.

The best way to handle it if you upset somebody, regardless of the rights and wrongs as you see them, is to acknowledge how what you said or did affected the other person.

Your job in this situation is to acknowledge their reality, something critical in maintaining the relationship.

Mr Bregman points out we are not betraying ourselves, we are just empathising.

There’s more on this,  and you can read it at http://blogs.hbr.org/bregman/2013/04/what-to-do-when-youve-angered.html

Just as your eyes are for seeing and your heart is for pumping blood, your mind is for solving problems.

To do this, it stores information, sifts through possibilities and generates solutions.

However, without anything else to occupy your thoughts, your mind will generate its own problems and start trying to solve them.

This means that in the absence of other stimuli, your mind is inclined to drift to negative situations and interactions — problems in other words

Unfortunately, the solutions most of us habitually generate are highly critical of ourselves or others.

The obvious way to avoid negative rumination and self-criticism is to give your mind a more constructive problem to think about.

Here is one: How can I make my life and the lives of my loved ones more pleasant?

(From my book 52 Secrets of Psychology).